Hascinzen Bassshavrut is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, loving gnu.

Hascinzen Bassshavrut created the Black Eye Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hascinzen Bassshavrut, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hascinzen Bassshavrut, he will laugh at you.

Hascinzen Bassshavrut's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hascinzen Bassshavrut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never paint your legs green.

4. Never look at nebulae.

5. Pray towards the east.