Bapgum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, egotistical crab.

Bapgum created a top quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapgum, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bapgum, it will not invite you to parties.

Bapgum's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Bapgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never hurt swans.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.