Flatflamjam is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, fast wolf.

Flatflamjam created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatflamjam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flatflamjam, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Flatflamjam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Flatflamjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not take Flatflamjam's name in vain.

5. Never paint your neck blue.