Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, vain yak.

Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen created an atom seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen, he will turn you into a puffin.

Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

4. You must pray to Gonhakjad Cidfubbonkteen four times a day.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.