Rankampas is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, staggering snail.

Rankampas created the cosmos three million years ago.

If you believe in Rankampas, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Rankampas, she will destroy your home planet.

Rankampas' most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Rankampas' Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away if six whales approach from the north.

4. Do not wear pink clothing.

5. Erect nine platinum sculptures of Rankampas on top of important buildings.