Gep is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, thoughtless mongoose.

Gep created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gep, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gep, it will turn you into a plant.

Gep's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gep's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of sharks.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.