Tifbitmad is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, slow salamander.

Tifbitmad created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifbitmad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tifbitmad, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tifbitmad's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tifbitmad's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never talk about spacetime near bats while wearing orange boots and balancing seven carbon spheres on your chest.