Cedsomquam is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, moody armadillo.

Cedsomquam created everything that exists four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cedsomquam, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cedsomquam, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cedsomquam's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Cedsomquam's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry sharks.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about snails.

4. Never leap near porpoises.

5. Retreat if seven voles approach from the north.