Zigpogstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, annoying newt.

Zigpogstaf created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigpogstaf, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Zigpogstaf, she will curse you with boils.

Zigpogstaf's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Zigpogstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never paint your legs purple.

3. You must pray to Zigpogstaf seven times a day.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Never talk about goats.