Damtarpwab is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, staggering squid.

Damtarpwab created the Milkyway five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Damtarpwab, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Damtarpwab, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Damtarpwab's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Damtarpwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near aardvarks while wearing magenta coats and balancing four tin spheres on your face.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Put Damtarpwab first in all things.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always help sick dogs.