Flaptimvegbaplamkomfit is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered seal.

Flaptimvegbaplamkomfit created a bottom quark four years ago.

If you believe in Flaptimvegbaplamkomfit, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Flaptimvegbaplamkomfit, it will turn you into a hamster.

Flaptimvegbaplamkomfit's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Flaptimvegbaplamkomfit's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never go into violet rooms.