Kopfarnhig is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, clever human.

Kopfarnhig created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopfarnhig, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kopfarnhig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kopfarnhig's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Kopfarnhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat tomatoes.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always stare at clouds.