Nurcenyik is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unfair crab.

Nurcenyik created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurcenyik, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurcenyik, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nurcenyik's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Nurcenyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

4. You must love Nurcenyik.

5. Never talk about badgers.