Omtxuckdun is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless snail.

Omtxuckdun created viruses four million years ago.

If you believe in Omtxuckdun, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Omtxuckdun, she will turn you into a mole.

Omtxuckdun's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Omtxuckdun's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt otters.

3. You must never eat grapes.

4. Sharks are not to be trusted.

5. You must love Omtxuckdun.