Watgesscat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, emotional narwhal.

Watgesscat created the planet Saturn eight million years ago.

If you believe in Watgesscat, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Watgesscat, he will jump up and down on your head.

Watgesscat's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Watgesscat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never think about nucleic acids.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about dark energy near whales while wearing orange trousers and balancing four gold spheres on your hands.