Futvidvidcan is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, egotistical armadillo.

Futvidvidcan created dark matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Futvidvidcan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Futvidvidcan, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Futvidvidcan's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Futvidvidcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Never wear corsets.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always stare at clouds.