Vonkhigapp is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, happy cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Vonkhigapp created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkhigapp, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkhigapp, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Vonkhigapp's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Vonkhigapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never wear cyan shirts.

4. Hide if eight sharks approach from the south.

5. Always take life seriously.