Konmumlop Gabcemgidnig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, impressive monkey.

Konmumlop Gabcemgidnig created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Konmumlop Gabcemgidnig, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Konmumlop Gabcemgidnig, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Konmumlop Gabcemgidnig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Konmumlop Gabcemgidnig's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never feed parsnips to foxes while wearing scarves.

3. Never feed lots of peanuts to turtles while wearing indigo dresses.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near nematodes while wearing cyan hats.