Zakvogtik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, uncaring finch.

Zakvogtik created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakvogtik, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zakvogtik, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zakvogtik's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Zakvogtik's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Zakvogtik's priests.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Run away from blue squirrels, for they are unholy.