Guprotdam is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, clever narwhal.

Guprotdam created parasitic wasps eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Guprotdam, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Guprotdam, she will turn you into a hamster.

Guprotdam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Guprotdam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.