Largzogapp is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, ruthless cow.

Largzogapp created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Largzogapp, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Largzogapp, it will curse you with boils.

Largzogapp's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Largzogapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed turnips to cats while wearing scarves.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. Always help sick rats.

4. Hide from indigo aardvarks for they are unholy.

5. Never think about stars.