Bagtif is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, benevolent lizard.

Bagtif created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagtif, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bagtif, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Bagtif's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Bagtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near eagles while wearing mauve jumpers.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never write about dark matter.

4. Never go into brown rooms.

5. Never think ill of sick badgers.