Nuttveennan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, duplicitous frog.

Nuttveennan created the Cigar Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttveennan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nuttveennan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nuttveennan's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Nuttveennan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Nuttveennan in the centre of the settlement.