Ligvilfon is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, benevolent bird.

Ligvilfon created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ligvilfon, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ligvilfon, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ligvilfon's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Ligvilfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

3. Never wear rings.

4. Run away from magenta grasshopers, for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.