Zogbombonkyakarnyatsig is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, astonishing dryad.

Zogbombonkyakarnyatsig created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zogbombonkyakarnyatsig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zogbombonkyakarnyatsig, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Zogbombonkyakarnyatsig's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Zogbombonkyakarnyatsig's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt squirrels.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Do not trade with those who eat melons.