Mapdudhig is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unselfish bird.

Mapdudhig created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mapdudhig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Mapdudhig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Mapdudhig's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Mapdudhig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Mapdudhig.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Mapdudhig.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.