Fonmetzim is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, contented hummingbird.

Fonmetzim created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonmetzim, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fonmetzim, it will not care.

Fonmetzim's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fonmetzim's Holy Commandments

1. Fonmetzim loves gulls, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide from red badgers for they are unholy.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about fire.