Timcanzestcat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, happy octopus.

Timcanzestcat created dark energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timcanzestcat, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Timcanzestcat, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Timcanzestcat's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Timcanzestcat's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

2. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

3. You must never eat garlic.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never wear pink skirts.