Figkompog is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, happy monkey.

Figkompog created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Figkompog, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Figkompog, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Figkompog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Figkompog's Holy Commandments

1. Figkompog loves voles, so they must be respected.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Do not speak about parsnips.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Always treat sharks with great respect.