Bonkquammab is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unfair dove.

Bonkquammab created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkquammab, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bonkquammab, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bonkquammab's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Bonkquammab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near tortoises while wearing orange dresses.

5. Retreat if three mites approach from the north.