Jarnmonhub is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, humorless deer.

Jarnmonhub created a down quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmonhub, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jarnmonhub, it will turn you into a dog.

Jarnmonhub's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Jarnmonhub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

5. Never play with disobedient children.