Ortmegbum Sogrowbet is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, competent wolf.

Ortmegbum Sogrowbet created the Cigar Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortmegbum Sogrowbet, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ortmegbum Sogrowbet, it will turn you into a plant.

Ortmegbum Sogrowbet's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Ortmegbum Sogrowbet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Never wear violet hats.

3. Never feed carrots to gulls while wearing pink jumpers.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Fast once a month.