Hakcitbod is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, self-confident gorilla.

Hakcitbod created the planet Mars seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcitbod, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hakcitbod, it will remove you from existence.

Hakcitbod's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Hakcitbod's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never paint your chest violet.

4. Retreat if nine sheep approach from the west.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.