Kikparkvinrow Popbotgad is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, resourceful porpoise.

Kikparkvinrow Popbotgad created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikparkvinrow Popbotgad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kikparkvinrow Popbotgad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kikparkvinrow Popbotgad's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Kikparkvinrow Popbotgad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.