Xucgofjip is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, two-faced dolphin.

Xucgofjip created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucgofjip, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xucgofjip, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Xucgofjip's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Xucgofjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to tortoises while wearing stockings.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Xucgofjip must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. You must never eat beans.