Pomkemmif is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, emotional human.

Pomkemmif created humankind four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomkemmif, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Pomkemmif, he will turn you into a mouse.

Pomkemmif's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Pomkemmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not take Pomkemmif's name in vain.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics.

5. Pomkemmif must be the most important thing in your life.