Cathunkik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, happy bear.

Cathunkik created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cathunkik, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cathunkik, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Cathunkik's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Cathunkik's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Cathunkik's priests.

2. Do not take Cathunkik's name in vain.

3. Never talk about dark energy near cats while wearing pink ear rings and balancing four gold spheres on your face.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.