Hitmatlad is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, awe-inspiring deer.

Hitmatlad created parasitic wasps two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitmatlad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hitmatlad, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Hitmatlad's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Hitmatlad's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn monkeys, for they are unholy.

2. Feed all hungry foxes.

3. Always help sick pigs.

4. Never feed melons to tortoises while wearing green shirts.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.