Biggunbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, grumpy bear.

Biggunbarn created the planet Saturn seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Biggunbarn, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Biggunbarn, it will remove you from existence.

Biggunbarn's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Biggunbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise skirts.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Never think about ultrasonics.