Laglabkad is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, witless gorilla.

Laglabkad created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laglabkad, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Laglabkad, she will cry a lot.

Laglabkad's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Laglabkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Never sprint near aardvarks.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Never wear pink ear rings.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.