Dotsanmifjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, selfish swallow.

Dotsanmifjarn created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotsanmifjarn, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dotsanmifjarn, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dotsanmifjarn's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Dotsanmifjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never hop in holy places.

4. Always obey Dotsanmifjarn's priests.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near shrews while wearing magenta tights and balancing three zinc spheres on your arms.