Fubfomkam is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid clam.

Fubfomkam created the solar system three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fubfomkam, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fubfomkam, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fubfomkam's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Fubfomkam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured turtles.

2. Never feed cucumbers to otters while wearing stockings.

3. Never talk about optics near nematodes while wearing orange kilts and balancing five nickel spheres on your arms.

4. You must pray to Fubfomkam seven times a day.

5. You must love Fubfomkam.