Tipjonmig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, bad-tempered bear.

Tipjonmig created vertebrates four million years ago.

If you believe in Tipjonmig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tipjonmig, he will not care at all.

Tipjonmig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tipjonmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Tipjonmig on top of all buildings.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

5. Pray towards the west.