Hamflisweg is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, humorless monkey.

Hamflisweg created oxygen two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamflisweg, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hamflisweg, he will strike you with lightening.

Hamflisweg's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hamflisweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never jump in the presence of dolphins.