Gatartwee Mislopsan Konkemfum is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, happy yak.

Gatartwee Mislopsan Konkemfum created a strange quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatartwee Mislopsan Konkemfum, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gatartwee Mislopsan Konkemfum, it will destroy your favourite star.

Gatartwee Mislopsan Konkemfum's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Gatartwee Mislopsan Konkemfum's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near doves while wearing yellow jumpers.

3. Run away if five dogs approach from the south.

4. Always treat sheep with great respect.

5. Respect your elders.