Bemsatsug is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, amazing chinchilla.

Bemsatsug created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemsatsug, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bemsatsug, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bemsatsug's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bemsatsug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not listen to music.