Honlincub Batfigquatvog Popjonhinsogfencen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, temperamental crab.

Honlincub Batfigquatvog Popjonhinsogfencen created snails five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Honlincub Batfigquatvog Popjonhinsogfencen, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Honlincub Batfigquatvog Popjonhinsogfencen, he will turn you into a frog.

Honlincub Batfigquatvog Popjonhinsogfencen's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Honlincub Batfigquatvog Popjonhinsogfencen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always look after injured great tits.

3. Do not wear platinum on your body.

4. Never feed apples to dogs while wearing brown dresses.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near porpoises while wearing cyan jumpers and balancing nine carbon spheres on your chest.