Carnurlwab is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, unthinking whale.

Carnurlwab created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Carnurlwab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Carnurlwab, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Carnurlwab's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Carnurlwab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention tapirs.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not take Carnurlwab's name in vain.

4. Never wear orange jumpers.

5. Never wear shorts.