Mutgupjam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, clever spider.

Mutgupjam created a Higgs boson four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutgupjam, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Mutgupjam, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Mutgupjam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Mutgupjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of dogs.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Fast once a month.