Artkentar is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, all-powerful cat.

Artkentar created viruses three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artkentar, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Artkentar, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Artkentar's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Artkentar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near bats while wearing orange skirts and balancing five lead spheres on your back.

2. Artkentar must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Do not sprint in public.

5. Never chant in the presence of otters.